vanessa is having the totally new and unpredictable experience of....Life, well yes, but this specific manifestation? my hair falling out and not growing back, not knowing if it will grow back, when, how much if ever, if all will fall out and how do i look in this hat this scarf this headband and how do i feel when i look in the mirror? what a unique and precious experience. i am actually moving to the edge of interest, curiosity, and almost some play and lightness...even considering shaving the head...maybe that would feel really free and totally give me a new experience of SEEING myself. i have these potions and concoctions and herbs and newly adopted dietary rules but i am kind of at the point of...let's let life do what it's doing. let it be, let it be.