& recovering from intermittent sleep. the air here feels extraaaaaa muggy after washington state freshness. soft moss on barefeet. wild green growing everywhere. ocean breezes. orca whales. sea lions. windy chill boating up towards canada. spectacular view of Mt. Baker. amazing food. fun times and conversation with Nej and Jamey. it is so easy to be around them. it felt like we were housemates again. i did get hit with some grief when we checked into a room overlooking Cascade Bay on Orcas Island...reminders of his connection to WA and all his gorgeous photographs of the northwest and of our stay at the beach in a similar space with a kitchen and view. but i am okay. cried a bit. it's all okay. i know what i was doing. i was loving and trusting jumping in with my heart open. to them, i was the fool who believed him. what seemed so obvious to his best friend, he was just manic not really in love...why didn't she tell me this earlier? what now seems so evident to him...oh, how stupid of you to actually believe anything i said was true. no point in rehashing their bullshit. i am just exhausted and kind of bummed to be back. i am going to apply for lots of jobs, though. it's all okay. loving me.
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