demon of not-good-enough/need approval blue skin drowning black tar drips from greedy mouth decaying teeth arms flailing drinks my nectar of Worthiness, Importance, Being Held

went through the Chod practice as adapted by Tsultrim Allione in Feeding Your Demons.  I had tape recorded myself giving the verbal instructions for the stages so that I could be guided through it the first few times without having to break the inner focus and dialogue with my demon by referring to the book. I kept avoiding the practice out of nervousness...and skepticism, a bit. Today it just came that it was the right moment to go into the practice. So the tape recording was there and very helpful. And the process was very powerful. I met my demon, and it was especially interesting to sit in his place and see me sitting opposite and feel what the demon was needing with compassion for the demon because I became him and had his pain and so then when I returned to my body and started dissolving it into the nectar that would feed him the feelings he said would be the outcome of getting needs met, it felt like love and surrender and instead of the fear and dread I had in thinki  ng about this step when read the book, it felt very tender and loving when he was drinking the liquid i became. and then he was fulfilled and disappeared. my ally...didn't immediately appear. imagination called up various creatures who kept answering no when I asked are you my Ally. finally i saw a young monk in saffron robe who told me a name i could call upon to access him but i cannot remember and that doesn't seem important but he said he would help by Reminding me, Guiding me, and would offer protection of holding me in the stream of Divine Love. 


i have been reading Reggie Ray's book Touching Enlightenment, which Wyatt gave me for my birthday. I hadn't picked it up and forgot all about it until Wyatt then emailed me a little online teaching with Ray that includes a meditation that is body-centered. The book is great! The writing really resonates, the voice feels so close and intimate. I was also noticing the connections with David Abram's Spell of the Sensuous and how this is embodied spirituality that brings us into our wild animal bodies to better sense the interconnectedness of all Life, ALL, US. i am so called to do this work and so long for a teacher. i am grateful for Judith and for Adya and want to go deeper in the body, and make my commitment run through every moment of my life. i found a Meditating with the Body training through Ray's organization, Dharma Ocean and feel lots of YESness about it.


peace